As baby boomers age there is a role reversal happening in many Canadian homes, with children caring for aging parents, and the situation can be very stressful.
In some cases children are unable to embrace the role of caregiver or they are so overwhelmed it can lead to neglect, an often unintentional form of elder abuse.
But with open communication and the proper supports, elder abuse can be prevented.
John Goman is still quick-witted at 95, but has been diagnosed with diabetes and both he and his nurse know his body isn’t quite keeping up.
He moved in with his daughter, Susan Cooper, after his wife passed away in the summer of 2011. He and his wife Dorothy had been together for 72 years.
“As time went on both my wife and I found our health deteriorating…we both shared the loss of my wife and she was a lovely person.”
It was Copper that invited him to move in, but Goman was concerned about how it would affect his daughter.
“I said ‘I’m not willing to live with you if it’s going to upset your lifestyle and prevent you from doing the things that you enjoy doing.’”
Cooper had recently retired from teaching and says she shared his concerns, “I had that taste of total freedom where I was my own agenda planner.”
But since her father requires insulin shots four times a day, her scheduled had to change.
“The first couple of weeks were pretty horrendous really,” she says. “I felt like I had to be here all the time, I felt like I could not leave.”
The early stages of caregiver stress started setting in after just a short time, but Cooper recognized something needed to change to keep herself happy and her father healthy.
Goman hired a private agency to relieve his daughter of care duties, like injections and bathing, five days a week.
It gives Cooper time for the gym and to be a daughter, Goman says, “Whatever time I have, I want to be part of my family.”
Coming up in part three: What are the signs of elder abuse in both seniors and those caring for them and what resources are out there to deal with it.
